Just as a phoenix rises from the ashes.....

Oh lovies, where do I even begin!?!

I have so much to share with you!

On my last post, I shared how I have really been struggling these past couple of months. Although I kept it pretty basic in describing what I was going through, Iʻll just let you know that almost a week ago, I was at the end of my rope, praying for a miracle.

That miracle happened in the form of a doctorʻs visit. From there, I began taking medication to help with low thyroid. Not even a week has passed and the changes I am feeling in my body and mind have been amazing.....praise worthy! I just randomly squeal because I can feel my joy begin bubbling up inside of me once more :)

A definite realization that changes are taking place happened for me, today, as I was on my hands and knees, scrubbing my tiny studio apartment. Wow! Up up until now, had been feeling too tired and depressed to do more than come home from work, eat, and sleep. Now, that being said, today was my day off. But previously, even on my days off, I felt no motivation to DO anything. I was in a dark place.

And now the sun has come streaming into my life once more!

I know there will be difficulties ahead as there will always be but the difference has come in how I respond to those difficulties.

The long, dark night has given way to the day. This little bird has found that her wings still work and now Iʻm going to try them out and see just how high I can really fly :)

I love you with all of my heart!

An update with some difficult truth

Iʻm just going to dive in and give you the scoop on the goings-on in my heart and my head over these past couple of months.

I would say for maybe my first month and a half in Kauai, my life was blissful. I swam in the ocean, got a great tan, walked everywhere, ate amazing food, had money to spare, lived with almost no responsibilities, and had pretty constant company of the best kind with a certain mustached man. Life was beautiful and glorious!

When I moved to Anahola almost 2 months ago, I felt my physical health begin to plummet. I felt helpless. So, I secluded myself whenever I was not working at Papayaʻs because I didnʻt have the words to describe all I was feeling and going through. I didnʻt want to bother people with my emotional pain or weigh them down with my physical health problems.

I lost a great deal of joy in all of this. I couldnʻt find my way out. Until just recently.

I finally reached out and told my Ohana group from church some of the things I was going through. My sweet angel straight from God, Gayle, told me I didnʻt have to keep living like I have been living, and made the arrangements to get me in to see a really great naturopathic doctor. Blood tests ensued and I hope to begin working on a game plan to get my health back to where it needs to be in the coming weeks with Dr. Brennan.

During some of my darkest days, I found it difficult to leave my tiny studio apartment. I recently began forcing myself to take long walks. Most days, itʻs a struggle to get out my front door especially if I have work or will work later on in the day. I have come to realize that I NEED those walks. When life and health are so uncertain, the only thing that has brought relief has been taking my walks. I have to stay active! I have to keep moving.

On my walk after a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner, tonight, I began to ponder my life here on Kauai. I asked myself some hard questions and didnʻt like the answers I came up with.
It went something like this:
Where did my joy go?
Where did my passion for living a full life go?
Why have I stopped fighting for the things that mean something to me?
Why have I stopped dreaming big dreams?
And the biggest one:
Why have I let my circumstances dictate my joy?
In all of these questions, I have found myself solely to blame.
I may have health issues but have I done everything I could to be proactive? Have I been kind to myself?

No.

I live in one of the most beautiful places in the world. I am thankful to God for this. He has surrounded me with beauty even in the midst of this desert season of my life. Now, this being said, I may be in the desert but I donʻt have to lose my joy or fire for life!

First of all, I canʻt shrink back anymore and defeat myself before I even get started.

I need to find a second job and work with all of my heart to make the money I need to make it work here.

I need to find a place to call home, where I donʻt feel cramped and can cook in my own kitchen to my heartʻs content.

I need to pay back my debts to my friends.

I need to get the money together to get Abe out here because dogonnit, I miss the heck out of my pup!

Iʻm tired of living in defeat. Iʻm ready to take the steps to regain the ground that Iʻve lost!

Lord, I know Youʻre behind this. I know You want fullness of life for me no matter where I live. Please lead me and guide me in each of the ways I know I must make changes. Give me the strength and tenacity to do all that I must do. May I make the choice each day to live my life to the fullest no matter how my heart, mind, or body betray me. May my life be glorious in joy or in complete disarray. Be my passion. Be my vision. Be my everything, for in You I put my trust. In You, I place my life for the present, future, and all eternity. You are worthy! You are holy! May You receive all of the glory!

Everyone dies but not everyone lives...

Living in Kauai, I am keenly aware of the fact that it is such a special place but my struggle comes when the cares of life creep in. I find myself forgetting to look around me and revel in the big and small miracles everyday.

Today started out on a rough note. I could not get my blood sugar under control and I was fighting my body the whole day at work. I get discouraged when I know what Iʻm capable of and when I know Iʻm not hitting that mark.

The highlight of my work day was when a customer was paying me with travelerʻs checks and I asked her for her driverʻs license. When I looked down, her Minnesota license greeted me! I asked her where she was from in Minnesota and she said St. Paul! "I lived there too, I giggled!" She told me she lived near Como Park and my heart swelled because I knew right where that was. That one interaction brought so much joy to my heart and light to my eyes!

I got off work, tired and grateful to go home.

I made the decision to take a long walk and from that point on, my day greatly improved.

As I walked and listened to some great music, I lifted my heart in prayer to my Maker. I took the time to look around me and be thankful for the feasts for my eyes.

It was time to cross the highway. As I hopped across, my eyes met with a complete stranger as he drove past and a sweet smile lit up his face.

He will probably never know just how much that simple act meant to me. It was perfectly timed and delivered at just the right moment. My heart soared.

As I walked down the road, I looked down and saw a tiny gecko. I thought it was strange for him to be in the road and when I stooped down, I realized he was mortally wounded and was dying. My heart ached as I worked to gently move him into the grass.
A young boy walked by and watched me with great curiousity. I said a silent prayer and asked God to comfort the tiny lizard.

You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat animals and things smaller than they are. May I always take the time to be compassionate.

Hot and sweaty, I decided to head to the beach for a swim. I pulled on my bathing suit and walked to the beach.

I can tell you, in all honesty, as I walked that beach, almost every other shell, rock, and piece of coral was in the shape of a heart. I could hardly believe it and wished I could have taken a picture. I will cherish the one I hold in my mind.

I found a calm spot, swam, floated, played, and looked down into the water trying to find shells and "treasures".

Feeling tired and content that I had spent the latter part of my day well, I got out of the water and walked back home.

On my way, I got to see a man playing in the sweetest way with his dog. Even though they were both older, the years melted off of both of them and they acted like a boy and a puppy. I told the man I loved watching them play!

Now, Iʻm showered, sitting on my bed, and eager for sleep. Tomorrow will be another early work day.

My prayer as I go forward is that I will take the time to live life well. I donʻt want to waste a single day. No matter what comes, no matter what is happening in my heart, mind, or body, I will strive for this.

Life is a gift and I make the choice to LIVE!

A special week...

I wonder if it is purely that I willed it into being by wanting it to be so or if I just got a heads up that joy was coming this week?

SO MUCH SPECIAL! I've been looking for it and I have not been disappointed!

I don't even know if I can put it into words but there is a joy and wonder that is creeping into my everyday life. I'm LOOKING for things to be thankful for and enjoy! I choose to make this a part of my daily life from here on out. And you better believe I will be sharing my "special moments" with you! :)

So these are the things that have touched my heart this week:

*Taking walks on the beach and finding shells, rocks, and coral that capture my imagination.

*Driving my truck and singing at the top of my lungs to some REALLY good soul music.

*Working with co-workers who warm my heart and make me laugh.

*Eating REALLY good food.

*Unexpectedly having customers share their food with me. Seriously! I don't know why they keep trying to feed me!?! :)

*Making new friends...of human and animal variety.

*Getting calls from friends. Jenny and Gina, in particular made my week!

*Sitting in the sun, in the back of my truck, taking my lunch or dinner breaks.

*Spending quality time with friends here on the island.

*Finding yummy food choices to keep my blood sugar in check throughout the day.

*Getting special deals on food at the grocery store.

*Glorious sunrises and sunsets.

I could go on and on. These things may not sound like much but they mean the world to me. I feel like a light has gone on in my head and in my heart. I feel the warmth of it throughout my days. I hope that I can pass that on to all I come into contact with!

I love you all so much! Blessings blessings and more blessings to you!

Stillness

Since moving to Anahola, my life and how I live it, here in Kauai, has been changing. Much of it has been uncomfortable and I have fought it without even knowing I was fighting it.

In all honesty, most change makes me uncomfortable but this change came, softly, quietly, and sweetly. It's shocking to me, now, the way I violently raged against it on the inside.

To understand the changes, now, I must go back to even before I started my journey to Hawaii.

I can't tell you how much anxiety I lived with on a daily basis when I lived on the mainland. It was astronomical and crippling most days. Add in a move to a place that I had only dreamed of, where I knew no one and had no idea where I would live or work, and my anxiety was off the Richter scale!

Each time I told friends and loved ones what I was going to do, and was met with any kind of negativity, more weight settled onto my shoulders.

Taking the step, getting on that plane was the best decision I have made! So much broke off of me as I set forth in faith. One foot in front of the other.

Once I got to the Big Island and began bouncing from island to island, trying to figure out where would be my new home, I was still dealing with a lot of anxiety.

I did not sleep well and it became a joke at the Maui Hostel that I never slept. I didn't want to "miss" anything and I still had no idea what my life would look like in Hawaii. I was constantly DOING things and GOING places. I can remember only a handful of times that I actually sat still.

All of this being said, I now sit quietly on my futon, in my tiny room. The breeze blows through my windows. I hear the cooing of doves and the ocean in the distance.

I have FOUGHT THIS PEACE, THIS STILLNESS.

On each of my days off, I always think, "What do I want to DO today?"

Because I live in one of the most beautiful places in the world, it seems inexcusable for me to spend a whole day inside, but that is exactly what I have been needing!

Sleeping, reading, writing...all of these things went out the window when I had places to BE. I lived, DISTRACTED BY BEAUTY! I don't know how I managed it but I did.

So now a deep calm has settled over my soul. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I have days of rest for a reason. No more fighting. No more wondering what other people will think or even how much cooler their lives are because of what they are DOING.

I know going to beautiful places, hiking, swimming, camping are always there to be enjoyed. But for now, on these special days off, I'm focusing on the inner cry that gets drowned out by any outside stimuli. How long will this last? I don't know.

This is my journey. Only I can live my life. Only I can do what is right for me. Am I taking the time to be kind to myself? Am I taking the time to do right by myself?

Am I receiving the healing that only God can bring in this time? He brought me here for a reason. He's got me right where He wants me. I am a captive audience. How are You moving, Lord? What do You want to touch, heal, change?

I stand before You with my eyes and palms turned upward.

More stories...

One of my favorite things to do is to share life with those around me.

Writing about each special day I am given puts things into perspective for me, and puts a bookmark in my head so I can remember the "sweet spots".

Since coming to Kauai, it's been pretty uncanny that for every amazingly good day I have, there comes that one, difficult day where I feel ground and thoroughly crushed into the pavement.

I MUST not forget my MANY blessings!

Yesterday and today have held sweet stories in them that have brought smiles back to my face many times.

I struggled a bit with sadness at the beginning of my day, yesterday, because I was informed my truck would be ready for pick-up on the 7th. When I called Matson to make sure I had all of the proper paperwork in order, I was told that my truck would in fact NOT be in Kauai until the 12th! I was bummed, yes!

I worked the evening shift at Papaya's and it was a good night. I wore my overalls which makes ANY day a GREAT day :) I got a lot of comments from customers and co-workers alike because of my overalls. What can I say, I'm just representin' my Missouri farm girl roots! :)

My manager let me go to catch the bus back home. I had enough time to make it to the bus stop if I hustled a bit. As I was getting ready to cross the street, I heard, "You must hurry, Lori! You don't want to miss your bus!"

I couldn't see who had yelled at me but I knew he must know me somehow. Obviously :)

It was Dan, from Papaya's Cafe. He was sitting on the ground grinning at me, holding an empty beer bottle. Dan is hilarious when he hasn't been drinking but once he starts, his volume level goes up.

There was another girl at the bus stop, Marlene, and somehow Dan, Marlene, and I all got to talking about walking at night and having weapons to protect ourselves.

Marlene said she was going to start carrying Raid with her. Dan said he'd just use his empty beer bottle, and I said my multipurpose tool would work just fine for me. Dan wasn't so convinced that my tool was worth anything until he scraped the saw blade across his arm.

"THAT might just cut to the bone." he said, in a tone that implied that he had probably pressed a little too hard with the blade on his arm.

Oh Dan!

Once we got on the bus, I sat up front with Marlene, who I found out lives in Anahola too. Dan went to the back of the bus.

The bus driver turns the lights out at night and in complete darkness, I hear Dan yell, "Lori! Why are you sitting all of the way up there!?!"

I burst out laughing. "Because it's a smoother ride up here. I'm getting off the bus soon, anyway."

Silence.

Before Marlene and I got off the bus, I once again hear, "Lori! Why are you sitting all of the way up there!?!" I look back and see Dan wearing his big smile and I smile back.

"Bye, Dan!" I yell as I get off the bus.

As Marlene and I start to walk, she asks me, "How far down this road do you walk?"

"All the way past Anahola Beach Park."

Her big, brown eyes become as round as saucers and I giggle because she looks so childlike.

"That's really far, and dark, and scary. I have to give you credit for doing that!"

I told her I really didn't think about it, especially since once the road started to get dark was about the same time that I could really hear the ocean, and it always made me feel safe.

We parted ways and she told me to be safe.

Fast forward to today. I woke up to a text at the perfect time and started puttering around. I have today off. I washed dishes, swept my tiny studio, did some laundry, and cooked up some beans and purple potatoes. I began filling out the forms to get food stamps when I realized I needed an actual address. That would mean a trip into town to get a P.O. Box!

I showered and walked out my front door, ready for the hike to the bus stop. I ran into one of my neighbors and he offered to give me a ride up the hill. I accepted and thanked him for his kindness.

Once we got up the hill, he said, "You know what? Where do you need to go? I'll take you into town." I started laughing, told him he didn't have to do that, but on seeing he was serious, I thanked him again. We talked about God and how funny He can be sometimes. He started laughing when I told him I had moved from Missouri. He said he was trippin' out because he had been there not too long ago to go to the House of Prayer! We both had a case of the giggles.

When he dropped me off at the Post Office, we both realized we hadn't introduced ourselves.

He told me he was having a hard time remembering my name is Lori.

"My name is Falcon," he said.

Maybe I should tell him my nickname is Birdie? That would have been funny. Two birds :)

So now I'm sitting at Starbuck's, the proud new owner of a P.O. Box!!!!! I won't make it to get set up for food stamps today but it's already been such a full day!

I still need to go to the grocery store and get some goodies. Then I think I'll catch the bus back home and decide how I want to spend my evening.

Good things. Good things.

Love love love you! :)

So much to share!

As I look back on my day, my heart is filled with joy over all that has taken place.

Care to catch some snippets into my life?

I woke up at 4am to give myself time to eat, stretch, shower, and generally get ready for the day, before I headed to the bus stop at 6am.

Before I walked out my front door, I heard the eeriest sound, looked over, and almost screamed because my new kitty friend was hanging by his claws from my front screen door, looking intently into my apartment. I told him he shouldn't do THAT again ;)

I always allow for some down time once I get to the bus stop. I make calls or listen to music or just hang out with my main chicken, Lady. Today, I got to talk to Lisa :)

Once I got on the bus, I began going over in my head some things that I had resolved the night before. I made the decision to be aggressive in my eating habits again. I have become lax over these last couple of months, eating rarely and not getting proper nutrition. I decided today, that I would begin eating every 2-3 hours, and for every one of my main meals, salmon would be added.

It is absolutely AMAZING the changes that I have felt taking place in my body after only ! DAY or eating this way! I feel alert, my blood sugar levels have kept pretty even, and I'm not struggling with being overly hungry. PRAISE GOD!

My poor body has been trying to tell me something was wrong for a LONG time! I finally decided to listen and DO something about it!

So, it was a good day at work. I'm always ready to go home after my shift because it is truly hard work to deal with the public ALL day, but some fun things happened.

I got to chat with Mike and one thing he told me really stood out today. He said Kauai draws out righteousness in people. We both share different backgrounds and feelings about faith and what it looks like to walk with God but on that one thing we can agree. What an amazing statement!

At one point during the day, Zeb, one of my managers, who can't be more than 19, walked by my register with the sappiest smile on his face. When I asked him why he was smiling, he told me he didn't know why. His smile reminded me so much of Lindsay and James, but mostly of Lindsay, because he would ALWAYS wake up with that exact smile on his face.

My friends from small group came in and they brought in a friend from out of town. He stopped, looked me straight in the eyes and said, "You are going to work with children in China."

If that dream had not already been in my heart and confirmed 10 years ago, I could have easily dismissed his words. I'm still sitting and pondering them. I do believe it will happen. I mean, come on, I'm in Hawaii! Dreams long forgotten are being brought up and out once more!

Kimmy was her usual self and told me I was a freak and weird, etc. It's just her way and I love her for it. I know she loves me :)

I made Jason belly laugh when I wrote: Lori's Scooby Snacks on my bag of nuts and then when I was counting down my drawer, Jason was doing dead-on impersonations of Chris Griffin, Peter Griffin's laugh, Gollum, and Yoda. I couldn't stop laughing! My drawer was exact to the penny, earning me a hearty fist bump :)

The bus ride home was full and one man got up so that I could sit down. Always unexpected but never taken for granted.

My walk home felt good and I made a simple meal of salmon salad lettuce wraps. Yummy! So simple, so good!

I whipped up breakfast for the morning and stuck it in the fridge. I am feeling very content with my day and I think I will go to the beach for a little bit and then turn in early for the night.

I carry you all in my heart. I really do. I hope you always feel my love coming from Kauai!

Everything's changing!

I would be lying if I told you living in Kauai is all roses.

This place has a way of taking one apart but slowly, gently, and methodically putting them back together in small and unexpected ways.

I have been absolutely exhausted after moving into my tiny studio apartment (which I love, by the way, and will begin to make it more of my own space bit by bit). I guess if you pair moving with learning an entirely new area, bus schedule, and several very early morning shifts at work, it's gonna get insane.

I'm working on staying healthy because people are getting sick all around me at work. That will not do!

After getting off work, today, the last thing I wanted to do was go anywhere or do anything but I pushed myself yet again. I took a very long walk on the beach, stopping to take incredibly short yet potent power naps several times.

Nothing like falling asleep to the sound of the ocean or breathing in that salt air!

I focused on staying present and enjoying the beauty all around me. I sang songs and looked for seashells.

All of the things I found myself clinging to back on the mainland are slowly slipping away. Life is different here. If something doesn't happen, it means either it wasn't meant to be or there's another way to go about experiencing it.

Possessions have lost most of their meaning. Give me the basics to survive and I'll be happy. Now, that's not to say that when my truck and Abraham arrive, I'm not going to weep with joy....BECAUSE I AM!!!!!!!

I found myself taking a shower, outside, in the daylight for the first time, today. In the light of day, it became very apparent that it is not private at all. A handful of people were having a conversation right next to me as I was in the stall, NAKED. What's funny if that I didn't even care. Maybe I am a closet nudist ;) That's definitely a change!

I'm excited for my day off tomorrow. I will SLEEP IN, go into town and get a new bus pass, make a trip to Wally World and get some necessities for my new pad, and then my friend, Noodle, invited me to hang out with her and paint! Did you get that? P-A-I-N-T! You should have seen how my eyes shown as I smiled, vigorously bobbing my head, yes, when she asked me if I wanted to paint with her! I think tomorrow will be an epic day off!

I do have to say, though, that I'm REALLY looking forward to when I can get a string of days off so that I can go camping. I just have to be patient for a couple more weeks. Then I think I can put my bid in with the boss lady.

I realize as I write this that I'm all over the place but there are so many thoughts crashing around in my head. On the one hand, there's this sheer joy and deep contemplation balancing act. Then there's the learning of hard yet necessary lessons about life and my own heart and mind. Pair all of that will the thought of loosing my childlike wonder while giving myself permission to blossom into the woman I was always meant to be. There's some pretty heady stuff going on inside of me!

Hope you're able to track with me. Being able to describe my process and share my story gives me great joy! I hope it is a blessing!

Love you!

Encouraged on every side....

So much has happened since I decided to make Kauai my home.

There have been a great many good and wonderful things but there have also been those few things that have served to knock me flat on my back and question everything.

On Monday evening, as I sat on my bed, talking to Lisa, my heart was incredibly discouraged. I wanted to run and hide and curl up in a cold, dark place where no one could find me. The heart, mind, and emotions are truly powerful things. I will never figure them out.

After I got off the phone with Lisa, I watched X-Men: First Class, and felt empowered to do whatever I had to do to survive and thrive here in Kauai. It was a great, motivating movie!

The next morning, I called Lisa, again, to fill her in on how I was doing, as I rode the bus into town to go to work. I have found work to be a blessed distraction and a help to make it through particularly trying days. I asked Lisa to pray for me and she promised that she would.

I had some time to spare once I got into town and I decided it was definitely a Starbuck's kind of day. My heart leapt when I saw they had a Pumpkin Spice Latte on the menu. I love ANYTHING pumpkin!

With my latte in hand, in a mug because face it, it just tastes better that way, I found a table and cracked open my Bible and began to read Jeremiah 29:11. The words were sweet and washed again and again over my heart and mind. I needed that reminder that God had not walked away from me even though I have ALWAYS known He's been right by my side.

I gathered up my things and walked over to Papaya's where I began the opening routine with Dave, my manager. I told him I was having a difficult day and he began to encourage me and share some of his own, personal story with me. What a great guy! I thanked him for his kindness and words.

I love the early morning hours for so many reasons. There's just a totally different feel. I love the people that come in in the mornings because we share a common bond. There is much sharing of stories and an ability to connect on a deeper level because the busyness of the day hasn't set in yet.

I talked to Mike, who goes out when it is still dark to paddle board. He tells me stories of his favorite, little sea turtle that he has named Little One, who plays with him in the water every morning. He has seen many creatures in the water, small and large alike, and has never had a negative experience with one of them. I like his stories a lot. He is a gentle man with a good heart.

Around 11, in walked Keith. He asked me to weigh some dragon melon for him and when he asked me if I had ever tried dragon melon, I told him that I had not.

"You have to try it", he insisted, "Please just take a fork and take a piece of mine."

Because I knew he would not take no for an answer, I took a piece and thanked him.

Keith came back a second time and this time said, "I just ordered a smoothie and I know I won't be able to finish my dragon melon. Would you like to have it?"

His kindness was not lost on me and I told him I would love to eat the rest of it.

One last time, Keith came over to me and was carrying a cup with what looked like water in it.

"I have some coconut water left over from when they made my smoothie. Would you like to have it?"

I looked at him and said, "Keith, did something tip you off that I've been having a difficult day because you have totally been blessing my socks off by your generosity!"

He then began to tell me that there is no such thing as a bad day, and went on to quote Scripture.

I stood there with my mouth open and said, "Where do you go to church because I want to be around more people like you!"

He told me that a small group just happening to meet at his house that night.

"Do you want to come?"

"Yes! Yes I do!"

He gave me his phone number and I told him I would call him to get directions to his house.

Dustin came out to Kapaa and we looked at snorkel gear which is pretty much a must to own when you live in Kauai. No purchases were made but we came away from the experience knowing more than when we had started out.

I think it's going to take a little bit more time for me to want to go out in the water but once I work through my fears, doggonnit, I'm buying some snorkel gear!

Dustin drove us back to Kilauea and he started rigging up his cool, new stereo system. It was fun to see how excited he was about it and then we got to "experience" X-Men: First Class in surround sound later on in the night! So much fun!

I gave Keith a call and he started giving me directions to his house and my heart sank. I only had access to the bus and his house was quite off the beaten path. I told him that and he asked, "Well then, do you need a ride?"

"Yes, I guess I do", I said.

"Hold on a minute, then. I'll give you a call back."

When my phone rang a couple of minutes later, I said, "Hi, Keith!"

A female voice began to talk and I immediately began to be confused and apologized for thinking she was someone else.

She immediately put me at ease and told me her name was Jennifer and that Keith had asked her if she would be willing to give me a ride to small group. She said she lived only a short distance away and would be more than happy to come and pick me up.

I was overjoyed!

I met her at the gas station in Kilauea and once I got into her truck, we immediately began talking and sharing stories about our lives. She mentioned something about the fact that she had a studio apartment that was empty and I looked at her and said, "Jennifer! I'm trying to find a place to live!" She seemed pretty tickled and told me she would talk to the landlord and see if I could move in for a couple of months until Abe got to Kauai and I found a new place for us to live.

She decided to take me by her house and the studio in Anahola and as she was driving down the road, she asked, "Do you know YWAM?"

I started giggling uncontrollably. "I've been trying to get a hold of them for months now but they didn't have a phone number or any other way to contact them besides email and no one had responded to my emails."

"Well, they live right down the road from me!" she laughed.

I was seriously in shock.

"Oh yeah, and if you look to your left, the ocean is right there and you'll be able to hear it from your studio apartment."

NO WORDS....only a smile from ear to ear.

The studio apartment is small but cozy. It already has a futon bunk bed in it so there will be a place for any guests to spend the night if they would like :D We'll just have to arm wrestle for who gets the top bunk :)

There's a small toilet and sink, a little fridge, an outside shower with hot water, and an outside kitchen. What what!!!!! :)

Jennifer and I started talking prices for rent and I told her 400 would be doable but I found out later she had asked the landlord only to charge me 350!

We hopped in Jennifer's truck and headed to small group.

As soon as I set foot into the house, I was greeted by many faces I had already seen at Papaya's! It was so cool!

We had a time of worship and then dug into the Bible study they had just started the week before.

I got a chance to share a bit about my journey and told them I had been feeling incredibly discouraged and was wondering if Kauai was where I was supposed to be, before Keith came into the picture and blessed my socks off.

We ended in prayer and one of the guys there, whose name is Matt, is known to move strongly in the prophetic. He got several words for people and actually looked right at me and said, "You have many giftings but the word for you is boldness, right now, because you've got to start stepping out in them and when you do, you will impact many."

I thanked him. The small group was over, we began giving each other hugs and I was made to promise that I would come back.

Keith came over to me and said, "I have something I need to give to you. Don't leave before I do, okay?"

I told him I wouldn't.

As I was standing there, Matt looked at me again and asked, "Are you a singer?" I almost squealed as I was jumping up and down! "Yes! I am! But I don't play an instrument very well."

"I didn't see you playing an instrument. Are you interested in leading worship?"

More jumping up and down, "Yes!"

He went on to tell me that he and several other people were working on getting something going and he was just waiting on God to give him the go ahead. He told me I could be a part of it if I wanted to be.

My heart was about ready to explode with joy!

Then, Keith walked up to me, put his hand in my hand and said, "When you were talking about being discouraged and not knowing whether or not you were supposed to stay in Kauai, I felt led to give this to you. Did I hear God right? Is it partly due to money?

"Partly", I said. I looked down and there in my hand, he had placed a roll of $500!

"Please take it", he said.

I was literally speechless!

Jennifer gave me a ride home because she told me there was NO WAY she wanted me taking the bus that late at night. I had to laugh. She's such a Momma.

I didn't hear from Jennifer for a day so I called her on my way into work, yesterday, and was trying to be okay with the fact that the studio apartment may not work out.

She called me back and left me a message saying everything was a go, that the landlord only wanted $350, and that I could move in on Sunday! I just about fell out of my chair!

I think I'm supposed to be in Kauai. What do you think? ;)

9.10.11-My Life Was Spared

I have hesitated as to whether or not I should share this story.

After talking to Lisa, today, she told me it was important for me to share my testimony of how God saved my life this past Saturday.

I know my life will never be the same. It can't be.

The day started out wonderfully. Dustin let me drive his car to work since I had to be there at 7am and no buses run that early on the weekends. The alternative would have been to hitchhike at 5:45am. Thanks, Dustin!
Work was wonderful. I love the early morning shifts and then when I was done with work, I pretty much had the whole day left! Yay!
After I dropped Dustin's car off for him at work, my day got even better when I bought a dark chocolate, lavender, blueberry bar at Hoku and sat and ate it while I waited for the bus to take me back to Kilauea.
I got a chance to talk to Joann, Ron, and Crystina and my heart was very content hearing from my friends.
I look at all of these things, now, in a new light, I guess because it could have been my last day. It was a GOOD day.

The bus got me back home at about 6:oopm, and I was overjoyed with the fact that I still had some daylight to walk out to Secret Beach and swim while I watched the sun set.

As I set foot on the beach, I saw quite a few fishermen out trying to catch fish. I walked up to one and asked him if he was getting any bites and he told me no. We got to talking and I told him I was so excited to get in a swim before the sun set. He looked at me and said, "You don't want to swim today. It's too dangerous."

I told him I didn't want to get in for long but really wanted to get in the water and cool off from my walk. He said that if I kept walked towards the sun, that I would come across some tide pools that would be good for a swim. He told me to be careful and watch for the tide. I promised him I would and wished him luck on catching some fish.

As I made my way across the jagged lava, I remembered thinking that the waves were really strong. In fact, at one point, a wave came up on my right and completely drenched me from the waist down. Shoot! Save the iPod and the camera! They came out unscathed.

I kept walking a little ways and finally got to a spot that I thought looked promising for a swim. I took off my overalls, shoes, socks, and bundled my iPod and camera inside of them to protect them from spray from the waves.

I cautiously hunched down and looked into the tide pool, waiting for a moment when it looked safe to jump in.

Looking back on it now, I wish I had never taken that first jump but had decided that that day was not the day for a swim, because as soon as I jumped in, I knew I had made a huge mistake. The tide pool was violent and I could immediately tell that if I didn't get out soon, I was going to be pulled out to sea or crushed against the jagged lava rocks.

I began to pray, "Papa, help me." I prayed over and over and over again, as my eyes scanned the rocks to find a place to crawl up on and pull myself up out of the water. The really scary thing was that once I would think I got a hand hold, the water would violently fall away about 5 feet, leaving me hanging in the air, trying to hold onto jagged rocks that cut and scraped my skin as I lost my grip and fell into the water again.

I started to chide myself for not telling anyone where I going. No one knew I was in a tide pool at Secret Beach, as the sun was setting except for the fisherman. I knew he probably wouldn't come looking to see if I was ok.

I was remarkably calm and knew I would find a way out. I just had to be patient. It's all a blur to me, now, how I eventually found a way out of the water, except to say I know that there was an angel that gave me a boost up and out of the water.

I scrambled onto the rocks, panting and looking now in earnest for the fastest way to circle back around to where I had first started. I knew I was in a very dangerous spot. The tide was rising and the fisherman's words to watch for the tide rang in my head. I had to get away from the ocean!

The rocks were steep and trying to make my way down was difficult, especially since the waves were coming in from my right so strongly and making it almost impossible to stay on my feet. Slipping and falling on the jagged lava rocks was NOT a good idea.

I got to a spot that looked promising and as I gingerly began to stoop so that I could step down, a huge wave smacked into the front of me and skidded me, on my back, across the rocks. I tried to find a way to stop myself from moving but the wave was too strong and I just knew gouges were being cut into the back of my body. I laid there, stunned, after I came to a stop and immediately began to feel my back for cuts and blood. Nothing. I couldn't believe it! I know God totally protected me!

As I got up, I thought, "This can't be the right way. I'm going to go back the other way."

I wasn't thinking clearly.

The worst decision of the day was to go back to the tide pool. I looked at it and thought, "The tide is up higher. If I jump in and swim really fast, I can make it to the other side."

WRONG!

There is no way to prepare for the violence of the current under the water in a tide pool. I realized my mistake in thinking I could even swim against that current as soon as I jumped in...AGAIN.

By this time, I was tired, scared, battered and bruised, and in even more trouble than the first time that I jumped in. Swimming was becoming difficult and I knew I had probably ended my life by jumping into the tide pool this second time. I began to call out to God again in earnest, "Papa help me! Papa save me!" That's all I could say.

I was getting so tired and I couldn't even seem to get close to the rocks, the current was so strong. I was stuck treading water in the middle of a violent pool. I began to panic and cry because I couldn't see a way out. Then, a wave crashed over my head, I couldn't find the surface, and I sucked the salt water into my lungs. I knew at that moment that I was going to die. A peace and calm settled over me. At the same time, I found myself so very sad because I wasn't ready to die. THIS wasn't how I wanted to die. I felt so alone.

The next minute, as clear as day, I heard God say, "Do NOT be discouraged!"

I decided to fight and swim for my life. No matter what came, if I tried with all of my might and still drowned, at least I had fought to live.

To this day, I still do not know how I got to the rocks and climbed out. I really can't remember. Just, one minute I'm in the water. The next minute, I'm on the rocks. I know the enemy meant for me to die that day but God wanted me to live. I do not know why some people die and others get a second chance to live. I should have died. I should not be here today....BUT for miraculous grace of God.

Like a wet rat, I crawled along the rocks, in shock that I was alive but determined to survive. I was going to do whatever it took!

Panting, moaning, and crying from exhaustion and shock, I walked back to where I had been knocked on my back. It was then that I looked up and saw a woman standing across the way from me, looking at me with a puzzled expression on her face.

I cannot tell you how my heart rejoiced in seeing another human being! I wasn't alone! At least if the tide came in and I still couldn't find a way out, someone saw me and would be able to tell my loved ones what happened if I didn't make it.

Two other woman came over and stood by the first.

"I'm stuck", I yelled, "I can't find a way out!"

It was then that I heard one of the women above me saying, "Hi. I'm here. Look up."

I told her I needed her to help me think through my options of where I should go to get out. She said, "I think your only option is to go down and then climb back up to where we are."

"I'm afraid the waves are going to knock me over again", I said but I immediately began to move, running across the rocks, desperate to get to a safe spot.

"You're amazing! You're doing great!", they yelled at me.

I made it down and climbed up the rocks to where the women were. They walked up to me and all three of them took turns hugging me. I cried.

"You're shaking. Are you cold?"

"No, I almost died. I'm in shock."

They offered me water but I refused and walked with me back to help me find my clothes, iPod, and camera.

They asked me later if I was a mountain climber.

I told them no.

They went on to say that I looked so calm as I ran across the rocks, jumping down, gripping the rocks, and pulling myself up.

"It was inspiring to watch you", one said.

I thanked her but was at a loss for words because I didn't feel calm. I just felt determined to survive.

After parting with the women, I began my walk back to Kilauea. My only thoughts were, "I need a stiff drink and a hug."

Thankfully, Dustin kindly provided both of those.

After I told him what happened, the best part was when he asked, "Now what have we learned from all of this?"

So many things....so many things.

I am thankful to be alive!

Choosing Joy Today!

I woke up, today, making a conscious choice to seek out the beauty and joy that it had to offer.
Over the last couple of days, I have willingly let my joy be stolen from me but I refused to let that be a continuing theme.
Once more, I faced the "joys" of gathering paperwork and documents to send to my credit card company for damage to my rental cars. I'm hoping and praying they will cover the charges for the repair work.
The customer service rep put my heart to rest by telling me I was doing a great job of getting everything to them in a timely manner. She even went so far as to say I was faster than most people! Wow! And here I've been feeling like I've dropped the ball!
I took a much needed shower and headed out to catch the bus into town to drop off some job applications and resumes.
When I got on the bus, it quickly filled up with children going home from school. Their banter and laughter was contagious and I found myself smiling with joy over being right there at that moment. Laughter is a healing thing! I need to remember to do it more often, not just for my sake but for others' as well!
On one of the stops, a man got on the bus, sat next to me, slumped down in the seat, leaned against me, and quickly fell asleep. I was almost moved to tears! The physical contact, the touch, the warmth of another human being is so powerful when one has gone so long without any of them. No one could have prepared me for how much I would miss that. For when you move someplace where you know very few people, physical contact with others is limited. What a healing thing a hug would be at this moment. I know I would surely cry!
I am now sitting and waiting for my bus back to Kilauea where I will hopefully be able to walk to the beach before the sun sets. It started to rain and I found a shelter from the roof of a church to stand under.
The rain, here in Kauai, moves me. It draws me and I find myself seeking it out to see it, touch it, smell it. It's magical to me! I'm not sure why but I won't over-think it too much ;)
Just as quickly as it starts, the rain is soon over and the ground, air, and everything that it touches is refreshed after baking in the hot sun for most of the day.
I look forward to enjoying the simple joys that the rest of this day and evening have to offer.
I send my love on the wings of the wind! I hope that you seek out and find the simple joys waiting in each day just for you!

Forced to Hitch ;)

Today has already proven to be an extremely full day. It marks Abe's 8 years on this earth and in my life and also brought with it the news of a potential job as well as a place to live!

I decided to catch the bus into Princeville, to familiarize myself with the area in which I will be working. Although meeting with my potential employers will have to wait until tomorrow morning, I was able to find a very fine belt to help keep the pants up on my ever shrinking waitsline...eeek!

I found some vegetarian sushi at Foodland, sat outside and ate it, and had my first experience with the donkey kick of a punch wasabi delivers to the sinuses. It was great!

Deciding a walk was in order, I started walking back to Kilauea, enjoying the beauty all around me and pinching myself every so often saying, "Do I seriously live here!?!"

My hip started giving me trouble but I kept pushing through it and simply asked it to submit to what I was asking it to do. Besides, I was getting close to my favorite bridge, where the trees all lean in as if to give people in their cars a hug. I couldn't wait to see it outside of a car!

All of a sudden, a woman pulled over along the side of the road and said, "Get in. It's not safe for you here." I declined but she was persistent and was causing people to angrily drive around her, cursing.

Her persistence won out and I got in. She told me her name was Jan and said she was just going to drop lunch off for her son and husband at the water garden down the road. She asked me to sit tight while she went in and she would drive me to where I needed to go afterwards. I was thankful to rest and as I sat there, I heard her say, "Birdie!" I turned and she was extending a water lily through the window to me. "This is for you. Smell it! If you put it in water, it will close up tonight and bloom for you one more time in the morning." Her gentle spirit and kind gesture squeezed my heart. I thanked her for her aloha spirit.

She took me back to the Kilauea Gym, gave me a huge hug, and wished me well on making Kauai my home. She said it looked like the island was already accepting me as its own. That made me very happy.

What a day! And it's still not over! Now it's time to go to the Farmer's Market :D

It's been a while!

Aloha!

I decided it was time to blog again. Now that I have some down time, I am finding my words again.

For over a month, now, I have been traveling around Hawaii. I am currently in Maui and I am writing this as I sit on the balcony of the hostel I am staying at. It's a really special place; secluded, yet not; quiet, yet loud. This probably makes no sense to you but it does to me :)

Today has been a very busy day! My plans are slowly coming together. I have made my decision to go back to Kauai. Simply put, it is where I felt the most joy so I will begin trying to build a life for myself and Abe there. This news truly brings joy to my heart and I look forward to calling Kauai home!

This day was also special in that I've added a new member to my life: my little pineapple ukulele :)

I think it was 3 weeks ago that I first set foot in Mele Ukulele. I knew as I talked to the owner that I would be coming back to buy my uke from her. She was so cute, telling me to be careful to use sunscreen because I was so pale and reminding me to lock my car and keep valuables out of it. Her uncle sat and taught me chords on the ukulele for almost 2 hours...just because! Her son and daughter were there as well, always offering kind words and advice. I decided to wait to come back and get my uke after all of my travels. It worked out perfectly.

When I walked in the front door, she looked at me and said, "I know you, right?" I laughed and told her I was the crazy, pale girl from the mainland traveling the islands and she smiled and shook her head, "That's right!"

They all helped me get set up and ready to pay. She asked me where I had decided to live and when I told her Kauai, she said, "It's too slow and there! I'm glad you're buying a ukulele so that you will have some sound to break up the quiet!" We both laughed at that.

What can I say? I'm a Southern, farm girl to my roots! It suits me just fine :)

Her next question to me was how long I would be on the island and when I told her until Tuesday, she said, "You should come back and hang loose with us and learn to play your ukulele! Uncle will teach you!"

Just like that, they welcomed me into their family! I told her I would be back tomorrow at 1pm and she was very pleased.

There are just no words to describe the hearts of the people on each of the islands of Hawaii. They are truly beautiful, warm, and welcoming! What an honor to live here!

Night night, lovies!

Ohana=family

I met my second adopted Ohana as I was waiting for my flight to Maui on Monday.
Linda, her mom, niece, second niece and her son were all flying over to Maui in the 10-seater jet with me.

I quickly found out Linda is a believer. At this point in my journey, when I'm talking to someone and they say they are a believer, I'm no longer surprised. It's more like, score another one for God! He has faithfully been supplying me with Christian community everywhere I go!

Linda very graciously asked me if I would like to spend some time with her and her family while they were in town for 3 days. I told her I would probably spend my first day getting situated in my hostel and get my bearings on the town and then I would call her the next day. That worked perfectly for them.

On a side note, there are several roosters crowing in the distance-oh Maui! :D

I did as I had told Linda I would do; checked into my hostel, checked out the town, but then got to do one other unexpected thing...play a ukelele. There is a shop that sells only ukeleles called Mele Ukelele. The store is locally owned and Papa Peter insisted on giving me an impromptu ukelele lesson free of charge! So so special! I'm going to have to invest in a ukelele!

So, I called Linda, today, and she asked me to come on out to Kihei and spend the day at the beach with her family.

I got to stop by Mana Kai Maui, on my way out to meet Linda, and take some pictures and a video for Lisa and Terri, remembering Violet, their sweet Momma, and the time they got to spend in Maui. God totally set that one up!

The beach at Kihei was lovely as was my company. I got to play in the ocean like I did as a little kid for the first time since I've been in Hawaii! I just felt completely relaxed and at home. Sand in your underwear=a day well spent!

After spending something like 5 hours at the beach, Linda invited me to go out to dinner with the whole family. When 5 year old, Isaiah, heard I was coming with them, he exclaimed, "Awesome!" What a melt my heart moment :)

We waited an hour and 15 minutes to eat at the Mexican restaurant right down the street but it was so worth it! My heart was so light and happy as I looked at the faces of all of the people around the table. I had been adopted as part of their family and they had hardly known me for a day!

After dinner, I walked with the ladies and little man back to their condo. When I stepped through their door, Isaiah came right up to me and asked, "Are you going to stay and watch Rango with us?" How could I say no to that? I had just been crying out to God the night before, telling Him how lonely I felt. God truly answers prayers!

My ckeeks are pink, my tummy is content, my heart is light, and my eyes are heavy.

Father, thank You for this day and for the family you are surrounding me with here in paradise.

Run to the waves!

The ocean draws me; it beckons to me with some force unforeseen. It reminds me of my God!

I went swimming in the ocean today(something I will try to do each day I am in Hawaii) at high tide. Each time I enter the water, I find myself momentarily relearning how to keep from getting knocked down. The ebb and the flow of the waves is disorientating and I have to stand there for a little bit before I get my bearings.

From there, I wade toward the waves. Actually, I'm literally being pulled toward them! There is always a little flutter in the pit of my stomach because I realize just how strong the water is.

All of a sudden, a huge wave comes my way! I stand there for a moment and think through what my next move should be. I want to run away but if I do, I'll get pummeled! What I do next defies logical thinking. I run towards wave and dive through it!

It's amazing! I get just a hint of the sheer weight of the wave above me but nothing crushing. It's all encompassing and strangely comforting at the same time. It reminds me a little bit of how God's yoke is light. The thought of a yoke always sounded heavy to me. How could it ever be light!?! Now I've got a taste of what it means.

Lord, thank You for how you thrill my heart and show me more of You in the simplest of things. You are ever-changing but always the same. You teach those who are willing to learn. May my heart always be humbly bowed before You, my Teacher, my Friend, my Papa, my God. I love you!

Blessings to you, my loved ones! May you all find the courage to run to the waves of your life, be they big or small, and find within them an unexpected blessing; a meeting with the fierce yet loving God we serve!

I really identify with Abraham

Genesis 12:1
The Lord had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you."

God has asked me to "leave and go" somewhere new many times in my life. He uses those foreign locations to draw me closer to His heart.

I look back on my time in Africa, Alaska, Minnesota, and now here in Hawaii. Some of those moves came so easilly and almost seemed effortless. This move has proven to be the most difficult but it is because I've come to a Hawaii with no plan or agenda. I don't know what God is up to. He's purposely kept me in the dark. This has been the truest testing of my faith. Some days, my anxiety is so great but I am reminded that it is probably because I am finding it difficult to submit all of myself to God.

Lord, I believe in Your goodness. You have always been constant in my life even when I wasn't following you completely. You never left me. My life, my hopes, my dreams, I just speak out and say that they are Yours.
Show me the places in my heart that are unyielded to You. Help me to breathe You in and exhale my own self.
Lord, I believe you brought me here, help my unbelief.
Reveal Yourself to me in this place. Show me Your glory that my life may never be the same!

I love you, my friends. I have never been more aware of needing community than I am now. As I follow God, you are the support behind me that gives me the courage to keep on going. Thank you that even though I am on a literal island, your presence in my life does not make me an island unto myself.

Mahalo(Thank you)!

The fog is lifting!

I did not realize just how difficult my transition to Hawaii would prove to be. The first couple of days, I felt like I was walking through quick sand. A deep and never ending anxiety veiled the beauty around me and kept me from truly reveling in it. I found it hard to meet the eyes of the people around me and I felt very much like an outsider.

God, in His goodness, intervened. My first day in Hawaii, He brought Cindy into my life. It's like we have known each other for a long time! I am completely at ease with her.
She is a wealth of knowledge and has helped me to get connected to quite a few people in a short amount of time. Her faith inspires me on a daily basis and her encouragement was exactly what I needed to break out of the funk I was in. She has shed light on the culture, the spiritual state of the island, and how I can best love and impact those around me.

You are truly a blessing, Cindy!

Cindy and I went to a Bible study this morning and I'm so glad she invited me...and that I went! It set the tone for the rest of today. Spending time with some lovely women of faith, reading Scripture, praying, taking communion, singing, and journaling all acted like a shot of life into my puny veins of faith.

Then, after almost 10 years of dreaming of seeing the University of Nations, I finally got to see it, walk the grounds, and marvel at the diversity of the people that surrounded me. It was intoxicating!

Cindy and I later put our heads together and found a good deal for a snorkel and dolphin adventure for Thursday. I can't wait to swim with the dolphins! Lord, help me conquer my fear a being in the water with big animals!

I now own a quality pair of sunglasses to protect my eyes from the damaging sun. Yet another blessing.

So much has happened today. So much to be thankful for! I'm plum tuckered out!

I think tomorrow I will just rest and search out some still moments with my Papa. More beach time is definitely on the agenda!

I'm finally here!

Okay, shall I recap all that has taken place so far?

I left Kansas City on Friday the 15th and flew to Denver, Colorado. There was a really big rain storm that kept us from landing for 50 minutes. When we got in to Denver, I had to "book it" to make my connecting flight to San Jose, California, but I made it! In the back of my mind, I found myself hoping my two checked bags would make the plane too, but then put it out of my mind.

When I got into San Jose, it was 11 at night, I was tired, and my Auntie Irina was waiting for me to take me back to her house where I would spend the night. At the baggage claim, I found that my worries were warranted. My bags had not made it. I shed some tears thinking I would never see them again but the attendant assured me they would make it to Hawaii, just a day later.

I was praising God Lisa and Jessica Anetsberger had urged me to pack a change of clothes, toothbrush, and anything I couldn't live without in my carry on. I was also thankful to have an address to give the airline for where I'd be staying in Hawaii.

I went back with Auntie Irina, saw Justin and gave him a big hug, and then got a couple of hours of sleep before I woke up. Auntie, Uncle and I drank some tea and chatted a bit before they took me back to the airport to catch my plane for Hawaii.

What a blessing it was to see the Buzz Stegners and have a safe and comfortable place to catch a couple hours of sleep before my long plane ride!

I passed out for several hours once I got on the plane, woke up and listened to some music, nibbled some food, and then talked to the couple sitting next to me. They told me about their experiences on the islands and I told them about my plans to live there even though I had never visited before. They were both very sweet.

When the pilot announced we were coming in for a landing, I drank in the sight of Hawaii and it felt like my heart would burst. I was finally getting to see a place I have dreamed of for years!

Once we had landed, I poured over the sights out my window. Palm trees, black lava formations, the mountain in the distance with its halo of clouds. I probably needed someone to pinch me :)

I stepped off the plane onto the stairs and immediately took in a breath of fresh Hawaiian air. It felt good! The airport was all outdoors and something I have never experienced before. The mynah birds were singing from the trees and several of the brightest yellow birds I had ever seen flew down from the trees. I'm still not sure if they were canaries or yellow finches. It doesn't matter though, they were beautiful!
I went and picked up my rental car and then drove towards my hotel. I still could not believe I was actually in Hawaii!

I drove around, stopped at WalMart and picked up a bathing suit, grabbed a bite to eat, and then checked into my hotel.

I put on my bathing suit and then just sat on the breach, breathed, and tried to let go of all of my stress and worries from the past couple of days.
I went to the grocery store and that is where I met my first friend, Cindy. I asked her how to pick out a ripe pineapple and then we got to talking. I gave her my phone number and we set a time to meet.

Fast forward to today. I slept like a rock and woke up at 8am to an air horn of all things. I had to chuckle a bit.

I was feeling pretty lonely and discouraged because I didn't have any real connections here, when Cindy called. We chatted on the phone, found out we are both believers, shared our testimonies, and then decided to meet up with her daughter at a tide pool.

What a blessing and answer to prayer!

After that, I got a call from my airline telling me my bags had made it to Hawaii.

Another PRAISE GOD!

Cindy offered to drive me out to the airport. We picked up my bags and then she treated me to lunch at a local health food store.

I felt like I was in heaven and shed some tears as I sat there enjoying my food and her company.

Cindy also gave me the greatest gift of showing me how to hook my Mac up to the ethernet. Now I don't have to walk down the street to the lobby to check my emails, facebook, and twitter, but can sit in the comfort of my own room!

Tomorrow, I'm heading over to the University of Nations to start trying to make some friends and connections. Cindy has already made some calls to friends she has at the U of N and I will hopefully get to meet them tomorrow.

I am already missing all of my friends and family back in the states but I know I'm where I am supposed to be. Please be praying for God encounters, open doors, and that I would be able to discern between what is important to get done during my stay here in Kona and what is not.

I carry you all close to my heart. All my love!

I.Need.You.

It's 1:30 in the morning. The house is quiet and I hear the gentle hum of the fan and Abe's steady breathing next to me. I cherish moments like these; resting in the eye of the hurricane.

Today has been a very productive day. I got to cross quite a few things off my To Do List. It feels really good! My stress level is slowly being brought under control.

I can't tell you how many thoughts, feelings and emotions I have swirling around inside of my heart and my head as I think about leaving on Friday. It's difficult to think of leaving the life I have here, behind, and starting a new one in Hawaii. Make sure you don't misunderstand me. I am starting a new life, not cutting you, my friends, out of it. I need each of you probably more than you will ever know. You are my family!
I think of each one of you and the time we have gotten to share together. Whether you're from Alaska, Ghana, Kansas City, Liberty or St Paul, I remember you. You helped me to become the woman I am today. When I get on the plane, Friday, I do not leave you behind but I carry you with me in my heart. If I find a forever home in Hawaii, I extend an open invitation to come and visit me in paradise. I hope you will take me up on it!

Surprised by God

So, this is the thing: No matter how long I've been following God, He still shocks me with His thoughtfulness; the way He moves almost effortlessly in our lives if we let Him.

On Saturday, I got to see my Miss South Carolina, eat some amazing Ethiopian food and enjoy the different ethnicities of the River Market. Remember my Turkish Delight kick, Daisy? I think I might have to go back and get some and see if it is as amazing as the kind from the Narnian movies :)

Well, after Daisy and I said our goodbyes, I walked to my car and realized that I happened to be parked right in front of a bike shop.

The back story to what makes this story pretty cool is that I want to fly my bike to Hawaii. I think it would be a lovely thing to have available for me to get around on. I love my bike! Always have, always will.
I started thinking, just the day before, that maybe I wouldn't fly it out because the bike shipping boxes I have been looking at are very expensive.

Now, go back to the bike shop with me. I walked in and told the first guy I saw that I wanted to fly my bike out to Hawaii with me. He then proceeded to tell me that the box he would give me would be free and it would only cost $50 to take my bike apart and get it ready to fly. I was amazed and I told him I would be back! When I got in my car, I saw the guy come out and lock up. They had been there 30 minutes past close. They should have been closed. I think they were open just for me :)

Another really cool realization I had was just minutes ago, hence the blog at 2am!
I've been having a really hard time getting in bed at a decent time. It's like I just can't seem to make my body go to sleep earlier than 1am! I took Abe out for a potty break and it was then that God reminded me that Hawaii's time is 5 hours behind the time here. If I go to bed at 2am here, that would be 9pm there! I haven't been having trouble sleeping. God has just been helping me to better acclimate to the time in Hawaii! Wow! I just had to share :)

Today was a great day too! I got to see my sister, brother-in-law and the kids, play in the water and eat at the Olive Garden. Now I'm ready for bed! Ha ha!

Remembering the little things

Each day I wake up, my immediate thought is, "I have so much to get done!"

God has been so faithful to slow me down. He knows my worries. He knows that going going going only serves to get me even more worked up.

Just calm down and focus on one thing at a time, little bird.

My To Do List is getting sizably smaller with each day that passes. There are a great many things that I need to get done but they require someone else getting back to me. Can I make them go any faster? No. Well, yes, but that would require a cattle prod ;) I choose to be patient instead :)

There have been some smaller, yet important things that I have been able to get done. They never made it to my To Do List but they will make all the difference once I'm in Hawaii. I am reminded not to dismiss any forward movement. It all matters!

I giggled when I looked at myself in the mirror today. I had my second session to get my base tan and I can tell my skin is getting the hint it needs to be darker. It's an adjustment but one more step in preparing for a new life in a foreign land.

I can't wait to start sharing actual pictures with you! I will do my best to portray the beauty that I know will surround me :)

Quarantine!

Some days, the sheer weight of what I am trying to do comes crashing down on my shoulders. I woke up to that feeling and said a silent and urgent prayer to God, asking Him for relief. He brought relief but in kind of a round about way.

I took Abe in to see the vet, today, to begin quarantine procedures and to check him over to make sure he is airplane ready. His airplane ride is still a long way off but it really put my heart to rest to hear Dr. Grow say, "He's in great shape!" She said she could see no reason why he couldn't travel! She was also very excited to hear about my venture and proceeded to tell me about her younger sister that moved to a warm, tropical climate.

I walked out of the vet with a bounce in my step, feeling much lighter about Abe's side of the journey and refreshed for mine as well.

The last couple of days I have not blogged have been full of spending time with dear friends, reserving rental cars for each of the islands, more research, more prayer, and reminding myself to breathe. I know once I get to Hawaii, I will look back at some of these entries and laugh at how anxious I was. The planning phase of any journey has always been the most stressful for me. I really thrive on just jumping in and going. The more I think about anything, the more I give myself time to worry.

Can you believe it, I leave in a week and a day! Eek! :D

whittling refINING TRUSTING!!!!

Yesterday, found me on my hands and knees, going through all of my clothes and critically assessing what my needs are and what they will be. I really only want to own 7 changes of clothes. Anything more is just, well...more. So, I whittled and will continue whittling each group of my belongings until they are just perfect for my needs. Man, it feels good not to be weighed down by my "stuff"!

I'm also doing this in preparation for the fact that I might not be coming back once I board the plane on July 15, 2011! It's a heavy thought that can sometimes be crushing but God's grace also abounds greatly in my heart and gives me boldness to put one foot in front of the other. He is the One I run to. He is the One I am chasing!

The song, Come Away With Me, by Nora Jones pops into my head as I ponder my next steps. That is what I hear God singing over me. I have personally witnessed just how incredibly jealous God is for our hearts, and not just part of our hearts, but the whole. In light of all of the hurt and betrayal I have felt from earthly relationships, God has shown me just how trustworthy, faithful, and over the moon in love with me He is.

How could I NOT follow Him to the ends of the earth!?1

I have cried out to Him over my lifetime to refine me and make me into His image. Each year, I have seen Him do that very thing. This year, He has intensified the flames. Some days, the very heat from His presence makes me cry out in pain, while on other days, I find myself able to crawl into His lap and fall asleep.

I think it is very fitting that He would challenge me by taking me to a foreign land and ask me to trust Him to be my Provider. It just makes sense to me. It just fits because He knows me. He knows that when I get comfortable, I settle. He wants more just as He knows my heart yearns for more.

Father, continue to speak so that I know Your voice more than any other. Strengthen my heart so that I do not quake, but trust when You ask me to act. I place my life completely in Your hands for You are worthy!

I love you all and I hope this sharing of my heart and adventure encourages you and gives you hope for the great things to come in your own lives!

To Do List

Each day into July takes me closer to Hawaii!

I have been getting incredibly anxious thinking about all I have to do before I leave. It finally dawned on me that I needed to make a To Do List. It helps me get my thoughts out on paper and that way, I don't have such a ruckus going on inside of my head.

I've got to find places to stay on each island! I could camp on the beach, sleep in a rental car, couch surf, stay at a hostel, stay in a hotel, etc. I'm finding it hard to think of breaking out of my comfort zone once I'm there. I'm trying not to blow through my money so the inexpensive or free options will win out. I would love for it to feel like a vacation and have every detail perfectly planned out but it won't be that way. There will probably never be a mint on my pillow ;)

On another note, I'm sitting and watching Abe sleep on my bed as I type this. Even in my joy, I am sad at having to say good-bye to him for the longest time we have ever been apart. If I'm able to find a job and settle in on one of the islands, Abe will still have to go through a 120 day quarantine. Luckily, he can do that stateside and all that really entails is blood work and staying with the Anetsbergers until his 120 days are up. In Hawaii, it would mean extreme isolation for that same stretch of time.

I know that just as God has been making a way for me, He will make a way for my animals to come be with me. And if none of that comes to pass, He will give me the grace for whatever is to come.

Preparations

I would be lying if I said I didn't have a case of the nerves right now.

In two weeks, I will be moving to Hawaii!

As it stands right now, I will be flying from Kansas City, MO to San Jose, CA on July 15th. I will be getting into San Jose around 11 pm, and I'm hoping to get into contact with my Aunt and Uncle in Los Altos, and see if I can spend the night with them. I will leave San Jose at 7 am and will be flying into Kona, Hawaii. I will stay 10 days in Kona and then take my next flight to Maui. I'll stay 7 days in Maui and then fly to Oahu. I'll spend a week in Oahu and then fly to Kauai where I will spend another week.
From there, I will hopefully have an idea of which island I'd like to make my home, and will begin my "nesting preparations".

There is this perfect balance of anxiety and joy/excitement constantly going on inside of me. There are still a lot of unknowns and I think that is where my anxiety comes in. I have a lot of questions. There are some things I can plan for but others that I just have to trust God will work out.

Last night, I went to Celsius Tannery and started on my base tan. I've honestly really enjoyed being pale but that just won't work in Hawaii. I want to keep burning to a minimum.

I can't wait to share pictures and stories with you about my adventures in Hawaii!