Why is it never enough?

I looked in the mirror at my sunburnt face and said, "You've got to get a hold of yourself!"
You see, when I am hurting and trying to cope, I almost hear the flies buzzing around my head, feeding off of the decaying thoughts residing in my mind.
I go into old, destructive habits.
Oh, I have so much to learn, so much to overcome!
I was once asked if I thought I was broken. To which I responded, "Yes. Well no. Not so much. More like mold-able."
I take it back. Yes, I am broken. And my brokenness lies in this:
I keep trying to fill a gaping hole that only God can fill with every other imaginable thing known to man. And here is the insanity of it all. It is never enough and it always leaves me more empty than I originally started out.
It's like dying of thirst and drinking salt water.
Tonight, God gently took my hand and placed me on my bike to ride.
I started out riding, angry and pushing my body as hard as it would go. My goal was to tire myself out completely. And then God began to speak.
I was riding in the dark with only my weak light to illuminate the road in front of me. I kept getting frustrated because it never seemed like enough of the road was lit up. I craned my neck to see in front of me as I went around a corner. I still only saw immediately in front of me and the way was narrow.
Then a car would come from behind me and illuminate all around me and my eyes would drink it in until once more, my vision was narrowed back to my little bicycle light as the car passed.
Isn't this the story of my life!?! God only illuminates just enough of the road so that I don't run ahead of Him and worry about what is to come. I get frustrated with Him because I want to know more of the story but it is literally too much for me to handle. I get it in chapters; doses.
And then He gives me a glimpse of the bigger picture. My heart soars, my hope is renewed, and my faith and trust in Him is strengthened.
On the second part of my bike ride, my attention was drawn to how wet my face was. It felt like I had warm wax flowing down and dripping off my chin onto my body. It was an incredibly strange feeling.
And then the translation....
Most times, I wear a mask especially when my heart feels torn and exposed. I don't want anyone to see my pain or how much I hurt. But just as a fire melts wax, so my Refiner melts my wax mask away from my face. And when it has all dripped away, and I am naked and exposed, He passes me under gloriously cool waters that comfort and heal and wash away all signs of that mask I once wore.
Oh the amazing things God wants to show us if we only keep our hearts and minds open.
May it go straight from my head to my heart.
Lord, I believe! Help my unbelief!