Living in Kauai, I am keenly aware of the fact that it is such a special place but my struggle comes when the cares of life creep in. I find myself forgetting to look around me and revel in the big and small miracles everyday.
Today started out on a rough note. I could not get my blood sugar under control and I was fighting my body the whole day at work. I get discouraged when I know what Iʻm capable of and when I know Iʻm not hitting that mark.
The highlight of my work day was when a customer was paying me with travelerʻs checks and I asked her for her driverʻs license. When I looked down, her Minnesota license greeted me! I asked her where she was from in Minnesota and she said St. Paul! "I lived there too, I giggled!" She told me she lived near Como Park and my heart swelled because I knew right where that was. That one interaction brought so much joy to my heart and light to my eyes!
I got off work, tired and grateful to go home.
I made the decision to take a long walk and from that point on, my day greatly improved.
As I walked and listened to some great music, I lifted my heart in prayer to my Maker. I took the time to look around me and be thankful for the feasts for my eyes.
It was time to cross the highway. As I hopped across, my eyes met with a complete stranger as he drove past and a sweet smile lit up his face.
He will probably never know just how much that simple act meant to me. It was perfectly timed and delivered at just the right moment. My heart soared.
As I walked down the road, I looked down and saw a tiny gecko. I thought it was strange for him to be in the road and when I stooped down, I realized he was mortally wounded and was dying. My heart ached as I worked to gently move him into the grass.
A young boy walked by and watched me with great curiousity. I said a silent prayer and asked God to comfort the tiny lizard.
You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat animals and things smaller than they are. May I always take the time to be compassionate.
Hot and sweaty, I decided to head to the beach for a swim. I pulled on my bathing suit and walked to the beach.
I can tell you, in all honesty, as I walked that beach, almost every other shell, rock, and piece of coral was in the shape of a heart. I could hardly believe it and wished I could have taken a picture. I will cherish the one I hold in my mind.
I found a calm spot, swam, floated, played, and looked down into the water trying to find shells and "treasures".
Feeling tired and content that I had spent the latter part of my day well, I got out of the water and walked back home.
On my way, I got to see a man playing in the sweetest way with his dog. Even though they were both older, the years melted off of both of them and they acted like a boy and a puppy. I told the man I loved watching them play!
Now, Iʻm showered, sitting on my bed, and eager for sleep. Tomorrow will be another early work day.
My prayer as I go forward is that I will take the time to live life well. I donʻt want to waste a single day. No matter what comes, no matter what is happening in my heart, mind, or body, I will strive for this.
Life is a gift and I make the choice to LIVE!
Monday, October 24, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
A special week...
I wonder if it is purely that I willed it into being by wanting it to be so or if I just got a heads up that joy was coming this week?
SO MUCH SPECIAL! I've been looking for it and I have not been disappointed!
I don't even know if I can put it into words but there is a joy and wonder that is creeping into my everyday life. I'm LOOKING for things to be thankful for and enjoy! I choose to make this a part of my daily life from here on out. And you better believe I will be sharing my "special moments" with you! :)
So these are the things that have touched my heart this week:
*Taking walks on the beach and finding shells, rocks, and coral that capture my imagination.
*Driving my truck and singing at the top of my lungs to some REALLY good soul music.
*Working with co-workers who warm my heart and make me laugh.
*Eating REALLY good food.
*Unexpectedly having customers share their food with me. Seriously! I don't know why they keep trying to feed me!?! :)
*Making new friends...of human and animal variety.
*Getting calls from friends. Jenny and Gina, in particular made my week!
*Sitting in the sun, in the back of my truck, taking my lunch or dinner breaks.
*Spending quality time with friends here on the island.
*Finding yummy food choices to keep my blood sugar in check throughout the day.
*Getting special deals on food at the grocery store.
*Glorious sunrises and sunsets.
I could go on and on. These things may not sound like much but they mean the world to me. I feel like a light has gone on in my head and in my heart. I feel the warmth of it throughout my days. I hope that I can pass that on to all I come into contact with!
I love you all so much! Blessings blessings and more blessings to you!
SO MUCH SPECIAL! I've been looking for it and I have not been disappointed!
I don't even know if I can put it into words but there is a joy and wonder that is creeping into my everyday life. I'm LOOKING for things to be thankful for and enjoy! I choose to make this a part of my daily life from here on out. And you better believe I will be sharing my "special moments" with you! :)
So these are the things that have touched my heart this week:
*Taking walks on the beach and finding shells, rocks, and coral that capture my imagination.
*Driving my truck and singing at the top of my lungs to some REALLY good soul music.
*Working with co-workers who warm my heart and make me laugh.
*Eating REALLY good food.
*Unexpectedly having customers share their food with me. Seriously! I don't know why they keep trying to feed me!?! :)
*Making new friends...of human and animal variety.
*Getting calls from friends. Jenny and Gina, in particular made my week!
*Sitting in the sun, in the back of my truck, taking my lunch or dinner breaks.
*Spending quality time with friends here on the island.
*Finding yummy food choices to keep my blood sugar in check throughout the day.
*Getting special deals on food at the grocery store.
*Glorious sunrises and sunsets.
I could go on and on. These things may not sound like much but they mean the world to me. I feel like a light has gone on in my head and in my heart. I feel the warmth of it throughout my days. I hope that I can pass that on to all I come into contact with!
I love you all so much! Blessings blessings and more blessings to you!
Friday, October 14, 2011
Stillness
Since moving to Anahola, my life and how I live it, here in Kauai, has been changing. Much of it has been uncomfortable and I have fought it without even knowing I was fighting it.
In all honesty, most change makes me uncomfortable but this change came, softly, quietly, and sweetly. It's shocking to me, now, the way I violently raged against it on the inside.
To understand the changes, now, I must go back to even before I started my journey to Hawaii.
I can't tell you how much anxiety I lived with on a daily basis when I lived on the mainland. It was astronomical and crippling most days. Add in a move to a place that I had only dreamed of, where I knew no one and had no idea where I would live or work, and my anxiety was off the Richter scale!
Each time I told friends and loved ones what I was going to do, and was met with any kind of negativity, more weight settled onto my shoulders.
Taking the step, getting on that plane was the best decision I have made! So much broke off of me as I set forth in faith. One foot in front of the other.
Once I got to the Big Island and began bouncing from island to island, trying to figure out where would be my new home, I was still dealing with a lot of anxiety.
I did not sleep well and it became a joke at the Maui Hostel that I never slept. I didn't want to "miss" anything and I still had no idea what my life would look like in Hawaii. I was constantly DOING things and GOING places. I can remember only a handful of times that I actually sat still.
All of this being said, I now sit quietly on my futon, in my tiny room. The breeze blows through my windows. I hear the cooing of doves and the ocean in the distance.
I have FOUGHT THIS PEACE, THIS STILLNESS.
On each of my days off, I always think, "What do I want to DO today?"
Because I live in one of the most beautiful places in the world, it seems inexcusable for me to spend a whole day inside, but that is exactly what I have been needing!
Sleeping, reading, writing...all of these things went out the window when I had places to BE. I lived, DISTRACTED BY BEAUTY! I don't know how I managed it but I did.
So now a deep calm has settled over my soul. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I have days of rest for a reason. No more fighting. No more wondering what other people will think or even how much cooler their lives are because of what they are DOING.
I know going to beautiful places, hiking, swimming, camping are always there to be enjoyed. But for now, on these special days off, I'm focusing on the inner cry that gets drowned out by any outside stimuli. How long will this last? I don't know.
This is my journey. Only I can live my life. Only I can do what is right for me. Am I taking the time to be kind to myself? Am I taking the time to do right by myself?
Am I receiving the healing that only God can bring in this time? He brought me here for a reason. He's got me right where He wants me. I am a captive audience. How are You moving, Lord? What do You want to touch, heal, change?
I stand before You with my eyes and palms turned upward.
In all honesty, most change makes me uncomfortable but this change came, softly, quietly, and sweetly. It's shocking to me, now, the way I violently raged against it on the inside.
To understand the changes, now, I must go back to even before I started my journey to Hawaii.
I can't tell you how much anxiety I lived with on a daily basis when I lived on the mainland. It was astronomical and crippling most days. Add in a move to a place that I had only dreamed of, where I knew no one and had no idea where I would live or work, and my anxiety was off the Richter scale!
Each time I told friends and loved ones what I was going to do, and was met with any kind of negativity, more weight settled onto my shoulders.
Taking the step, getting on that plane was the best decision I have made! So much broke off of me as I set forth in faith. One foot in front of the other.
Once I got to the Big Island and began bouncing from island to island, trying to figure out where would be my new home, I was still dealing with a lot of anxiety.
I did not sleep well and it became a joke at the Maui Hostel that I never slept. I didn't want to "miss" anything and I still had no idea what my life would look like in Hawaii. I was constantly DOING things and GOING places. I can remember only a handful of times that I actually sat still.
All of this being said, I now sit quietly on my futon, in my tiny room. The breeze blows through my windows. I hear the cooing of doves and the ocean in the distance.
I have FOUGHT THIS PEACE, THIS STILLNESS.
On each of my days off, I always think, "What do I want to DO today?"
Because I live in one of the most beautiful places in the world, it seems inexcusable for me to spend a whole day inside, but that is exactly what I have been needing!
Sleeping, reading, writing...all of these things went out the window when I had places to BE. I lived, DISTRACTED BY BEAUTY! I don't know how I managed it but I did.
So now a deep calm has settled over my soul. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I have days of rest for a reason. No more fighting. No more wondering what other people will think or even how much cooler their lives are because of what they are DOING.
I know going to beautiful places, hiking, swimming, camping are always there to be enjoyed. But for now, on these special days off, I'm focusing on the inner cry that gets drowned out by any outside stimuli. How long will this last? I don't know.
This is my journey. Only I can live my life. Only I can do what is right for me. Am I taking the time to be kind to myself? Am I taking the time to do right by myself?
Am I receiving the healing that only God can bring in this time? He brought me here for a reason. He's got me right where He wants me. I am a captive audience. How are You moving, Lord? What do You want to touch, heal, change?
I stand before You with my eyes and palms turned upward.
Friday, October 7, 2011
More stories...
One of my favorite things to do is to share life with those around me.
Writing about each special day I am given puts things into perspective for me, and puts a bookmark in my head so I can remember the "sweet spots".
Since coming to Kauai, it's been pretty uncanny that for every amazingly good day I have, there comes that one, difficult day where I feel ground and thoroughly crushed into the pavement.
I MUST not forget my MANY blessings!
Yesterday and today have held sweet stories in them that have brought smiles back to my face many times.
I struggled a bit with sadness at the beginning of my day, yesterday, because I was informed my truck would be ready for pick-up on the 7th. When I called Matson to make sure I had all of the proper paperwork in order, I was told that my truck would in fact NOT be in Kauai until the 12th! I was bummed, yes!
I worked the evening shift at Papaya's and it was a good night. I wore my overalls which makes ANY day a GREAT day :) I got a lot of comments from customers and co-workers alike because of my overalls. What can I say, I'm just representin' my Missouri farm girl roots! :)
My manager let me go to catch the bus back home. I had enough time to make it to the bus stop if I hustled a bit. As I was getting ready to cross the street, I heard, "You must hurry, Lori! You don't want to miss your bus!"
I couldn't see who had yelled at me but I knew he must know me somehow. Obviously :)
It was Dan, from Papaya's Cafe. He was sitting on the ground grinning at me, holding an empty beer bottle. Dan is hilarious when he hasn't been drinking but once he starts, his volume level goes up.
There was another girl at the bus stop, Marlene, and somehow Dan, Marlene, and I all got to talking about walking at night and having weapons to protect ourselves.
Marlene said she was going to start carrying Raid with her. Dan said he'd just use his empty beer bottle, and I said my multipurpose tool would work just fine for me. Dan wasn't so convinced that my tool was worth anything until he scraped the saw blade across his arm.
"THAT might just cut to the bone." he said, in a tone that implied that he had probably pressed a little too hard with the blade on his arm.
Oh Dan!
Once we got on the bus, I sat up front with Marlene, who I found out lives in Anahola too. Dan went to the back of the bus.
The bus driver turns the lights out at night and in complete darkness, I hear Dan yell, "Lori! Why are you sitting all of the way up there!?!"
I burst out laughing. "Because it's a smoother ride up here. I'm getting off the bus soon, anyway."
Silence.
Before Marlene and I got off the bus, I once again hear, "Lori! Why are you sitting all of the way up there!?!" I look back and see Dan wearing his big smile and I smile back.
"Bye, Dan!" I yell as I get off the bus.
As Marlene and I start to walk, she asks me, "How far down this road do you walk?"
"All the way past Anahola Beach Park."
Her big, brown eyes become as round as saucers and I giggle because she looks so childlike.
"That's really far, and dark, and scary. I have to give you credit for doing that!"
I told her I really didn't think about it, especially since once the road started to get dark was about the same time that I could really hear the ocean, and it always made me feel safe.
We parted ways and she told me to be safe.
Fast forward to today. I woke up to a text at the perfect time and started puttering around. I have today off. I washed dishes, swept my tiny studio, did some laundry, and cooked up some beans and purple potatoes. I began filling out the forms to get food stamps when I realized I needed an actual address. That would mean a trip into town to get a P.O. Box!
I showered and walked out my front door, ready for the hike to the bus stop. I ran into one of my neighbors and he offered to give me a ride up the hill. I accepted and thanked him for his kindness.
Once we got up the hill, he said, "You know what? Where do you need to go? I'll take you into town." I started laughing, told him he didn't have to do that, but on seeing he was serious, I thanked him again. We talked about God and how funny He can be sometimes. He started laughing when I told him I had moved from Missouri. He said he was trippin' out because he had been there not too long ago to go to the House of Prayer! We both had a case of the giggles.
When he dropped me off at the Post Office, we both realized we hadn't introduced ourselves.
He told me he was having a hard time remembering my name is Lori.
"My name is Falcon," he said.
Maybe I should tell him my nickname is Birdie? That would have been funny. Two birds :)
So now I'm sitting at Starbuck's, the proud new owner of a P.O. Box!!!!! I won't make it to get set up for food stamps today but it's already been such a full day!
I still need to go to the grocery store and get some goodies. Then I think I'll catch the bus back home and decide how I want to spend my evening.
Good things. Good things.
Love love love you! :)
Writing about each special day I am given puts things into perspective for me, and puts a bookmark in my head so I can remember the "sweet spots".
Since coming to Kauai, it's been pretty uncanny that for every amazingly good day I have, there comes that one, difficult day where I feel ground and thoroughly crushed into the pavement.
I MUST not forget my MANY blessings!
Yesterday and today have held sweet stories in them that have brought smiles back to my face many times.
I struggled a bit with sadness at the beginning of my day, yesterday, because I was informed my truck would be ready for pick-up on the 7th. When I called Matson to make sure I had all of the proper paperwork in order, I was told that my truck would in fact NOT be in Kauai until the 12th! I was bummed, yes!
I worked the evening shift at Papaya's and it was a good night. I wore my overalls which makes ANY day a GREAT day :) I got a lot of comments from customers and co-workers alike because of my overalls. What can I say, I'm just representin' my Missouri farm girl roots! :)
My manager let me go to catch the bus back home. I had enough time to make it to the bus stop if I hustled a bit. As I was getting ready to cross the street, I heard, "You must hurry, Lori! You don't want to miss your bus!"
I couldn't see who had yelled at me but I knew he must know me somehow. Obviously :)
It was Dan, from Papaya's Cafe. He was sitting on the ground grinning at me, holding an empty beer bottle. Dan is hilarious when he hasn't been drinking but once he starts, his volume level goes up.
There was another girl at the bus stop, Marlene, and somehow Dan, Marlene, and I all got to talking about walking at night and having weapons to protect ourselves.
Marlene said she was going to start carrying Raid with her. Dan said he'd just use his empty beer bottle, and I said my multipurpose tool would work just fine for me. Dan wasn't so convinced that my tool was worth anything until he scraped the saw blade across his arm.
"THAT might just cut to the bone." he said, in a tone that implied that he had probably pressed a little too hard with the blade on his arm.
Oh Dan!
Once we got on the bus, I sat up front with Marlene, who I found out lives in Anahola too. Dan went to the back of the bus.
The bus driver turns the lights out at night and in complete darkness, I hear Dan yell, "Lori! Why are you sitting all of the way up there!?!"
I burst out laughing. "Because it's a smoother ride up here. I'm getting off the bus soon, anyway."
Silence.
Before Marlene and I got off the bus, I once again hear, "Lori! Why are you sitting all of the way up there!?!" I look back and see Dan wearing his big smile and I smile back.
"Bye, Dan!" I yell as I get off the bus.
As Marlene and I start to walk, she asks me, "How far down this road do you walk?"
"All the way past Anahola Beach Park."
Her big, brown eyes become as round as saucers and I giggle because she looks so childlike.
"That's really far, and dark, and scary. I have to give you credit for doing that!"
I told her I really didn't think about it, especially since once the road started to get dark was about the same time that I could really hear the ocean, and it always made me feel safe.
We parted ways and she told me to be safe.
Fast forward to today. I woke up to a text at the perfect time and started puttering around. I have today off. I washed dishes, swept my tiny studio, did some laundry, and cooked up some beans and purple potatoes. I began filling out the forms to get food stamps when I realized I needed an actual address. That would mean a trip into town to get a P.O. Box!
I showered and walked out my front door, ready for the hike to the bus stop. I ran into one of my neighbors and he offered to give me a ride up the hill. I accepted and thanked him for his kindness.
Once we got up the hill, he said, "You know what? Where do you need to go? I'll take you into town." I started laughing, told him he didn't have to do that, but on seeing he was serious, I thanked him again. We talked about God and how funny He can be sometimes. He started laughing when I told him I had moved from Missouri. He said he was trippin' out because he had been there not too long ago to go to the House of Prayer! We both had a case of the giggles.
When he dropped me off at the Post Office, we both realized we hadn't introduced ourselves.
He told me he was having a hard time remembering my name is Lori.
"My name is Falcon," he said.
Maybe I should tell him my nickname is Birdie? That would have been funny. Two birds :)
So now I'm sitting at Starbuck's, the proud new owner of a P.O. Box!!!!! I won't make it to get set up for food stamps today but it's already been such a full day!
I still need to go to the grocery store and get some goodies. Then I think I'll catch the bus back home and decide how I want to spend my evening.
Good things. Good things.
Love love love you! :)
Monday, October 3, 2011
So much to share!
As I look back on my day, my heart is filled with joy over all that has taken place.
Care to catch some snippets into my life?
I woke up at 4am to give myself time to eat, stretch, shower, and generally get ready for the day, before I headed to the bus stop at 6am.
Before I walked out my front door, I heard the eeriest sound, looked over, and almost screamed because my new kitty friend was hanging by his claws from my front screen door, looking intently into my apartment. I told him he shouldn't do THAT again ;)
I always allow for some down time once I get to the bus stop. I make calls or listen to music or just hang out with my main chicken, Lady. Today, I got to talk to Lisa :)
Once I got on the bus, I began going over in my head some things that I had resolved the night before. I made the decision to be aggressive in my eating habits again. I have become lax over these last couple of months, eating rarely and not getting proper nutrition. I decided today, that I would begin eating every 2-3 hours, and for every one of my main meals, salmon would be added.
It is absolutely AMAZING the changes that I have felt taking place in my body after only ! DAY or eating this way! I feel alert, my blood sugar levels have kept pretty even, and I'm not struggling with being overly hungry. PRAISE GOD!
My poor body has been trying to tell me something was wrong for a LONG time! I finally decided to listen and DO something about it!
So, it was a good day at work. I'm always ready to go home after my shift because it is truly hard work to deal with the public ALL day, but some fun things happened.
I got to chat with Mike and one thing he told me really stood out today. He said Kauai draws out righteousness in people. We both share different backgrounds and feelings about faith and what it looks like to walk with God but on that one thing we can agree. What an amazing statement!
At one point during the day, Zeb, one of my managers, who can't be more than 19, walked by my register with the sappiest smile on his face. When I asked him why he was smiling, he told me he didn't know why. His smile reminded me so much of Lindsay and James, but mostly of Lindsay, because he would ALWAYS wake up with that exact smile on his face.
My friends from small group came in and they brought in a friend from out of town. He stopped, looked me straight in the eyes and said, "You are going to work with children in China."
If that dream had not already been in my heart and confirmed 10 years ago, I could have easily dismissed his words. I'm still sitting and pondering them. I do believe it will happen. I mean, come on, I'm in Hawaii! Dreams long forgotten are being brought up and out once more!
Kimmy was her usual self and told me I was a freak and weird, etc. It's just her way and I love her for it. I know she loves me :)
I made Jason belly laugh when I wrote: Lori's Scooby Snacks on my bag of nuts and then when I was counting down my drawer, Jason was doing dead-on impersonations of Chris Griffin, Peter Griffin's laugh, Gollum, and Yoda. I couldn't stop laughing! My drawer was exact to the penny, earning me a hearty fist bump :)
The bus ride home was full and one man got up so that I could sit down. Always unexpected but never taken for granted.
My walk home felt good and I made a simple meal of salmon salad lettuce wraps. Yummy! So simple, so good!
I whipped up breakfast for the morning and stuck it in the fridge. I am feeling very content with my day and I think I will go to the beach for a little bit and then turn in early for the night.
I carry you all in my heart. I really do. I hope you always feel my love coming from Kauai!
Care to catch some snippets into my life?
I woke up at 4am to give myself time to eat, stretch, shower, and generally get ready for the day, before I headed to the bus stop at 6am.
Before I walked out my front door, I heard the eeriest sound, looked over, and almost screamed because my new kitty friend was hanging by his claws from my front screen door, looking intently into my apartment. I told him he shouldn't do THAT again ;)
I always allow for some down time once I get to the bus stop. I make calls or listen to music or just hang out with my main chicken, Lady. Today, I got to talk to Lisa :)
Once I got on the bus, I began going over in my head some things that I had resolved the night before. I made the decision to be aggressive in my eating habits again. I have become lax over these last couple of months, eating rarely and not getting proper nutrition. I decided today, that I would begin eating every 2-3 hours, and for every one of my main meals, salmon would be added.
It is absolutely AMAZING the changes that I have felt taking place in my body after only ! DAY or eating this way! I feel alert, my blood sugar levels have kept pretty even, and I'm not struggling with being overly hungry. PRAISE GOD!
My poor body has been trying to tell me something was wrong for a LONG time! I finally decided to listen and DO something about it!
So, it was a good day at work. I'm always ready to go home after my shift because it is truly hard work to deal with the public ALL day, but some fun things happened.
I got to chat with Mike and one thing he told me really stood out today. He said Kauai draws out righteousness in people. We both share different backgrounds and feelings about faith and what it looks like to walk with God but on that one thing we can agree. What an amazing statement!
At one point during the day, Zeb, one of my managers, who can't be more than 19, walked by my register with the sappiest smile on his face. When I asked him why he was smiling, he told me he didn't know why. His smile reminded me so much of Lindsay and James, but mostly of Lindsay, because he would ALWAYS wake up with that exact smile on his face.
My friends from small group came in and they brought in a friend from out of town. He stopped, looked me straight in the eyes and said, "You are going to work with children in China."
If that dream had not already been in my heart and confirmed 10 years ago, I could have easily dismissed his words. I'm still sitting and pondering them. I do believe it will happen. I mean, come on, I'm in Hawaii! Dreams long forgotten are being brought up and out once more!
Kimmy was her usual self and told me I was a freak and weird, etc. It's just her way and I love her for it. I know she loves me :)
I made Jason belly laugh when I wrote: Lori's Scooby Snacks on my bag of nuts and then when I was counting down my drawer, Jason was doing dead-on impersonations of Chris Griffin, Peter Griffin's laugh, Gollum, and Yoda. I couldn't stop laughing! My drawer was exact to the penny, earning me a hearty fist bump :)
The bus ride home was full and one man got up so that I could sit down. Always unexpected but never taken for granted.
My walk home felt good and I made a simple meal of salmon salad lettuce wraps. Yummy! So simple, so good!
I whipped up breakfast for the morning and stuck it in the fridge. I am feeling very content with my day and I think I will go to the beach for a little bit and then turn in early for the night.
I carry you all in my heart. I really do. I hope you always feel my love coming from Kauai!
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