I wanted to write this down and post it while it is still fresh in my mind because I know, like a butterfly, these thoughts will soon flit right out of mind. But I hope they will take up permanent residence within my heart in the days and years to come!
I have been hitting a wall for some time now. I kept looking at my life and saying, "When will I have arrived? What do I need to DO to take full advantage of the giftings uniquely placed in me? When will it all be enough?"
It became such a constant ache in my heart and it never went away.
I compared myself with others and always came up lacking.
I allowed myself to be sucked into a very dark place.
I can honestly say that a huge change took place in my heart just a couple of days ago.
It was late at night. I sat down with my guitar and played such basic chords as I quietly worshipped my Creator.
All of the sudden, everything clicked.
I was made to worship God! And the thing that changed in my mind was that it didn't need to look any different than what it was right then.
I didn't need to be on a stage with thousands of people before me; my voice amplified by a microphone and speakers.
I didn't need a grand guitar or a record deal.
I didn't need everyone to know my name.
Sitting in my jammies, in candlelight, with old strings, fumbling fingers and a heart reaching out for the face of God....this was the core of my being.
There is great joy in this knowledge! My endless striving can cease. Not that I will stop reaching inward to learn more about who I am. Not that I will stop reaching outward to know more of God. Not that I will not always be looking for ways to love the people around me.
It is contentment within the flux.
