Cry like a baby

As a nanny, it goes with the job that I must listen to children cry.

It happens.

Theyʻre tired, hungry, angry.

They get hurt, they miss Mommy and Daddy.

The list goes on and on.....

Strangely, I find myself longing for the simplicity of a good cry.

I listen to a little one crying with gusto and wish for the ability to join in with them.

Weep, wail, lament! Just let go! Just let it all go!

I remember crying often as a child. It was the first thing I did if I got hurt...and I got hurt A LOT growing up.

Skinned knees, stubbed toes, broken bones, gashes, scrapes, and bruises. Each one received their own allotment of tears. And it felt good to cry! I felt like in some way, I had accomplished something important with my tears. Even as a child I knew this.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped crying altogether, though. What a sad thing to have happen!

No longer do I skin my knees. And very rarely do I stub my toes, but I have seen great tragedies and have stood up under the crushing weight of grief. I have gotten my heart broken. I have loved and lost.

Iʻm hoping I can give each of these things the tears they deserve so that I can let go and heal. Tears are healing, purging, beautiful, and holy. Quite simply put, they are Godʻs gift to us so that we have a way to give wings to our pain...so that our hearts may be lifted up once more.

So the next time I hear that little boy crying at the top of his lungs because he really doesnʻt want to take that nap, I just might join in with him....I....just..... might.

Moved with compassion

I picked up a second job, when I was working at Papayaʻs. I entered into my time as an in-home caregiver for Soly and Abdel Latif with just a little bit of hesitation. I wasnʻt sure if I was going to be what they needed or even if it would be something I wanted to do longterm. I give a lot of myself away but donʻt always take the time to take care of myself. Itʻs a tricky balance.

For about a month I felt like a glorified housekeeper and the work was challenging.

All of a sudden, something shifted in my heart, and I began to look at these two, lovely people with new eyes; with eyes of compassion motivated by love.

Soly and Abdel are in their 80ʻs. Soly is forgetful and Abdel is legally blind. This was how I was introduced to them.

Soly is one of the sweetest and most loving women I have ever met. She is patient and kind even though her relationship with Abdel over the years has been anything but easy. Abdel is gracious and kind with me but I find myself wishing he would be the same way with his wife. She does so much for him, receiving so little in return. When Abdel laughs and smiles, it makes my heart smile. When Soly blows me kisses each time I leave their house, my heart takes wing.

I think of Soly and Abdel as adoptive Grandparents and they think of me as family as well.

I have been told by their family that their house has sparkled and they seem more at peace now that I have been working for them. How that blessed me!

I do not see what I do as a job. Itʻs an investment into their lives. It has begun to get to the point that it is hard to think of taking money for what I do because it is so easy, now, and comes from such a genuine, loving place in my heart.

Yesterday, I found out Abdel went to the hospital for sores on his legs and water retention in his body and around his heart. He is ok and being taken care of while Soly gets some much needed rest of her own at home.

Before I began to clean, today, I sat and listened to her as she talked. She told me about her youngest son that died 4 years ago. The tears of a mother that has survived her child are heart-breaking. I am convinced that the greatest gift I can give someone in pain is the ability to be heard.

May I always be moved with compassion and quick to listen in love!

Havenʻt done this in a while!

Simple moments. Snippets of bliss. These are the things dreams are made of.... Thatʻs where I find myself, today, all dreamy-eyed.

Iʻm sitting outside drinking some warm, rooibos tea. The sun is setting behind me and there is a marvelous breeze blowing through my hair. Abe is sitting at my feet, squeaking his favorite blue ball, and Bebel plays on my iPod, rivaling the sounds of the roosters in the distance.

I just finished making myself some vegan, gluten-free spaghetti and anyone who truly knows me, knows how much I love spaghetti!

Warm tummy food!

I havenʻt cooked for myself in a long while. I need to do it more often! I need to love MYSELF enough to do that :)

A lot has changed in my life since the last time I blogged:
Abe arrived safely,
I welcomed my first official visitor to Kauai(Amy),
I got a lovely haircut from a lovely friend(Amy),
I got a new job as a nanny,
and there are shifts taking place in my heart and in my mind; like the shifting of tectonic plates!

I havenʻt written in a while. I have not known how to put into words all that I have been feeling, and I have been feeling a lot! I just have to make sure I donʻt ignore those feelings as I often find myself doing.

This is me, dipping my big toe back into the stream of blogging. Itʻs a way for me to share my heart, hopes, and dreams with you, my dear friends.
I need you in my life more than I can put into words; even though I live in one of the most beautiful places in the world and have so many blessings. Yes, I do, but your love and friendship is the greatest gift I could ever hope to have!
I love and miss you all so much! 
May this blog find you well and filled with every good and perfect thing!